Parenting a child with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a profound journey of love, resilience, and devotion. It’s also one that can put tremendous strain on a couple’s intimacy. Many parents silently shoulder the stress of therapies, school meetings, and caregiving, while quietly experiencing a growing disconnect from their partner.
Research shows that parents of children with ASD face higher-than-average rates of divorce. A study found that about 23.5% of parents of children with autism divorced, compared to 13.8% of parents of neurotypical children. Another long-term study following families into adulthood found that 36% of parents of children with autism had divorced by the time their child turned 30. While the myth of an “80% divorce rate” has been debunked, the truth remains: parenting a neurodivergent child increases stress and can deeply affect a couple’s relationship.
So why is intimacy so difficult for many of these parents?
First, there’s the sheer exhaustion. Many children with autism need higher levels of support, which can mean disrupted sleep, heightened behavioral challenges, and constant advocacy in schools or healthcare settings. By the time parents have a moment together, they’re depleted.
Second, partners often slide into co-managing the household and therapies, which leaves little space for romance. Conversations become about logistics rather than longing. Couples start to feel like roommates instead of lovers.
Third, guilt plays a role. Many parents believe they should always put their child’s needs first, leaving no room to prioritize their own connection. But intimacy isn’t a luxury—it’s a lifeline. Without it, disconnection grows, stress multiplies, and resentment can build quietly over time.
And then, there’s the silence. Parents often don’t talk about how isolated, touch-starved, or lonely they feel in their relationships. Without vulnerability, intimacy withers.
The good news is that intimacy can be nurtured, even in the most stressful circumstances. Progress doesn’t come from sweeping changes overnight, but from small, consistent shifts. Here are some ways forward:
- Create micro-moments of connection. Pause to hold hands, exchange a long hug, or share eye contact. These little acts regulate the nervous system and remind you that you’re more than just co-parents.
- Talk vulnerably. Share not just your stress but your desires, longings, and fears. Bringing your full, authentic self into connection naturally deepens intimacy.
- Schedule couple time. It may feel unromantic at first, but creating protected time for closeness ensures it doesn’t get lost. Even 15 minutes a day can help rebuild intimacy.
- Seek pleasure in simple ways. Intimacy isn’t only about sex. A shared laugh, a gentle massage, showering together, or a walk can all bring the body and heart back into connection.
- Ask for support. Respite care, family help, or leaning on a community can open space for your relationship. You don’t have to do this alone.
Your intimacy matters. Not only for your relationship, but for your ability to feel grounded, resourced, and connected as a parent. When your relationship is nurtured, your whole family feels the ripple effect of safety and love.
If you’re feeling the weight of disconnection in your partnership, know that you’re not alone. I help parents create the vulnerability, safety, and connection that allows intimacy to come to life again. I’d love to connect with you.
Warmly,
Tovah Petra
Tovah Petra
Feeling ready to reconnect and bring intimacy back to life in your relationship? You can book a complimentary 15-minute consultation with me here: tovahpetra.com
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